Relapse

Not had to procrastinate since June the fourth, it appears. Now it is time to write my Personal Statement again there has been some outstanding procrastination.

Found an eleven step guide to making a cup of tea written by none other than George Orwell. Can't help thinking he wrote this whilst doing some serious procrastination before writing 1984.

Agree with most of the points except his rejection of tea bags, although tea bags obviously weren't as mainstream back then. Finally settles it that milk goes in second and NO SUGAR.

http://www.booksatoz.com/witsend/tea/orwell.htm

Pompeii Graffiti

Read that Pompeii is so well preserved you can still read the graffiti on the walls of bars and brothels. Here are my favourites they found:

"Weep, you girls. My penis has given you up. Now it penetrates men's behinds. Goodbye, wondrous femininity!"

"Two friends were here. While they were, they had bad service in every way from a guy named Epaphroditus. They threw him out and spent 105 and half sestertii most agreeably on whores."

"Restitutus says: 'Restituta, take off your tunic, please, and show us your hairy privates.'"

I'm definitely going to start writing stuff like this in latin.

Constantipation

This is a fictional word my ten year old brother came home from school telling me his friend had informed him was an antonym for constipation. After I told him that this sounded like bollocks he said "Seriously, google 'can't stop pooing'". I did, and it turned out to be bollocks.

Along the way, however I discovered that there are several interesting synonyms for diarrhoea. These are the 'Aztec two-step' and 'Montesuma's Revenge'. Both are American slang phrases referring to the tendency of travellers going to Mexico to get diarrhoea. 'Aztec' Two-Step is just a reference to mexicans. Montesuma II was a mexican king killed by invading spaniards so the phrase's origin becomes obvious.

I never knew Mexico had such a reputation for Diarrhoea.

World's First iPhone

Another Uberfact I just had to check.

This was the first iPhone ever invented. It was made in 1983 and is a landline...

Looks sort of like an iPad with a phone stuck on it. Hmmmmmm

No chemistry being learned today, just pointless shit.

Instant Karma

A Colombian guy gets hit by a bus after running away with woman's purse. Classic.

Zack and Cody

For anyone who watched the beloved disney show "The Suite Life of Zack and Cody" or the subsequent, equally beloved, (however Ashley Tisdale lacking) "Suite Life on Deck"; here is what Dylan and Cole Sprouse look like now...

Oh dear...

As for Ashley tisdale...

...still awesome.

Celebrities Reading Hate Tweets

These are all from the american 'Jimmy Kimmel' show:

#1: Will Ferrell, Joel McHale, David Cross, Roseanne, Jason Bateman, Anna Faris, Kristen Bell, Will Arnett

#2: Danny McBride, Katy Perry,  Justin Bieber, Zooey Deschanel, Larry King, Kirsten Stewart, Matt LeBlanc, Snooki

#3: Selena Gomez, Simon Cowell, David Arquette, Adam Scott, Hayden Panettiere, Eric Stonestreet, Christina Applegate, Tenacious D

#3: Jessica Alba, Zach Braff, Russell Brand, Brad, Paisley, Andy Samberg, Jessica Simpson, Kid Rock, Ray Romano

Just for good measure, here's Dawkins reading his hate e-mails.

Police capture fugitive

This guy was put on the police's most wanted list for £25000 armed robbery, and assaulting someone in court. This is him being caught in Spain.

Why risk life imprisonment for £25k?

PUMPCAST NEWS

Random people in USA are spoken to by news presenter at petrol pump and impulsively do some karaoke. This is crazy, I love these people, that is all.

Banksy

Call me a fangirl, but I love Banksy. I missed his exhibit when it was touring the UK but follow any stories about him in the paper. There was some crap about controversy at an auction this week, but that's not what this is about. It reminded me of something which I saw before I started this blog: 

In Banksy's exhibits, he has used the 'Elephant in the room' as a metaphor for poverty. Turns out, this water tank, in California, was actually the feature of a channel 4 documentary about a homeless man who had built himself a furnished house with television reception in this very tanker. The guy was kicked out by the water company when they discovered it. Some critics have dismissed this story coinciding with Banksy's writing on it as a coincidence, saying Banksy is more tongue-in-cheek than this and it was probably just a comment about the tank looking like an elephant. These people are wrong. Why else would he fly half way across the world to write on a water tank?

In other news, this is supposedly what he actually looks like:

If it is, I will be thoroughly disappointed.

His rumoured real name is Robert Gunningham, who was a kid born in Bristol, as Banksy was, and was good at drawing at school. Reportedly, Banksy said: " Anyone described as 'good at drawing' doesn't sound like me. " Brilliant.

Some good youtubing today

Unearthed an old gem on youtube whilst procrastinating today. Should help me with my maths exam on monday. Dog with a firework, i love the guy's hip thrust to dodge it.

"Vertical Forest"

Bosco verticale is a new tower block being built in Milan which is going to provide housing and the same number of trees as 10000 square feet of forest. Granted that is only 100 feet by 100 feet, but still impressive. Supposedly going to act as a smog filter. Looks like we're going to have to wait and see.

Boris Johnson Basketball

This is a video which came out within the last week as BoJo was promoting the Olympic Legacy. Well worth a watch, he can do no wrong!

Mindblowing and scary talk

Another TED lecture.

This one is crazy. It's about how electrodes can be implanted in the brain and cure people with parkinsons of tremors and can help people with other neurological conditions. What is scary is the potential it has for controlling your brain and just how far it could be taken.

There is a logical step from this to mind control. Fantastic life changing treatment though.

The World's First Ever Website

Saw a link to the world's first ever website today. I'm surprised I'd never come across it before considering the amount of shit I see. Anyways, here it is. Seems so pointless and limited considering its potential.

http://info.cern.ch/hypertext/WWW/TheProject.html

New Films

Man of Steel looks decent, but superman films can go either way. Here's the trailer.

This is the End looks good, but there's a chance it could go the same way as movie 43 :/ Lots of famous actors having a laugh but no decent film at the end of it. Emma Watson is what sells it for me.

Obama

In what I've realised is now a continuing obsession with Barack Obama, I saw this video on the BBC news homepage. "Obama" the movie. Directed by Steven Spielberg. Starring Daniel Day-Lewis as Barack Obama.














Hilarious.

I would strongly recommend perusing the related videos for some more funny bits of speeches he has done.

Weird

Almost convinced this website doesn't exist... http://www.worth1000.com/contests/18805/carnocchio-5

Essentially people edit pictures of cars to make them look weird...                              weird.

Makes me wonder who has time for it.

Filthy Poets

The 2nd Earl of Rochester, John Wilmot, wrote filthy poems. That is all I've learned today:

Have you not in a chimney seen
A sullen faggot wet and green,
How coyly it receives the heat,
And at both ends does fume and sweat?

So fares it with the harmless maid
When first upon her back she’s laid;
But the well-experienced dame,
Cracks and rejoices in the flame.

Back

Have been busy actually getting stuff done these past couple of weeks.

Found some hilariously cynical videos from David Mitchell. This is my favourite.

Retraction on PSY's follow up single.

I didn't realise the new single had been leaked, as opposed to released without a video.

I love it.

He just doesn't give a shit about being appreciated as a musician, and is happy to make a video about how much of a bastard he is to women.

Saw that he's being linked to the politics of the area at the minute but has said he doesn't mind if people like his music or not, as long as he is distracting them. Legend.

Pendulum Waves

I don't give a shit how nerdy this is, it's beautifully trippy.

Harry Potter

I know a guy whose name is genuinely Harry Potter, but found out facebook won't let him put his name as Harry Potter because they think too many people would do it as a joke. Classic.

Obama Afterthought

Saw in the news earlier this week that Obama had to apologise after calling a senior judge 'attractive' I'm just imagining how much of a hoo-ha there would have been if he had've called her ugly. Now I'm picturing a woman whining about how she never gets called attractive. When will women sort themselves out?
Political correctness gone mad!

Hilarious Obama Video

If you've never seen this video of Obama before you're missing out. It changed my perspective on life, it is that funny.

Realisation

This Blog is definitely not going to be purely what I do whilst procrastinating. It will be everything I think of or do whilst alone. I can't think of a scarier thought. Ah well, here we go, procrastinating or not here I come.

Margaret Thatcher

The Daily Mail are having a debate over whether or not the capital of the falklands should be renamed 'Port Margaret'. The falklands war only happened because she cut the amount of money the navy had to defend it in the first place, then she acted like a hero when we needed to send the ships back to defend it. The people who live in the falklands don't have amnesia like we do, so they are outraged at the thought of it being renamed.

'Ding Dong the Witch is Dead' back in the charts due to her death. Not at all sparked by the public. A clever, probably smarmy, record producer has been planning this one for years, publicised it on her death, now is counting his monies. As for thee BBC not playing the whole thing, fair enough. With Dara O Briain on this one:

Dara O Briain ‏@daraobriain1h

Brevity is the soul of wit, people. Insisting on the whole song is just leaden. They get it. Ding Dong. It's on the radio. Job Done.

PSY - Gentleman

If PSY was going to make a follow up which was the same as his original, he could've at least done the same as the Hangover franchise, and made his 'sequel' the same, but bigger and better. Instead he has decided to release the same type of music, but with no video. The video is what made the last one. He has reduced his appeal to the same small number of korean fans he had at the beginning. Disappointing. Inevitable. Not one to lose sleep over.

Twatter

By being bored enough to search 'twatter' instead of 'twitter' for 'fun' I discovered this:

http://twatter.com/ Billed as 'The anti-social network'. Slightly funny.

A mildly amusing video

How many calories can you burn in 30 minutes?

Bushisms

Took some time today to rediscover some of the brilliant quotations of George Bush. It shows how lucky we are that Obama now leads such a superpower as the US.

Favourites: "The future will be better tomorrow"

"I stand by all of my misstatements"

"I believe humans and fish can coexist peacefully"

"I couldn't imagine somebody like Osama Bin Laden understanding the joy of Hannukah"

"Families is where our nation finds hope, where wings take dream"

There are too many to write them all down...

Penguin Suicide

Saw another Uberfact today:

UberFacts ‏@UberFacts6m

Penguins have been known to become depressed and march away from their groups to die.

Did a bit of digging, turns out there have been mass penguin suicides lately (blamed on Global Warming) and at this rate they will become extinct by 2020. Sad thought.

Article: http://www.ukweatherworld.co.uk/forum/index.php?/topic/43429-increasing-penguin-suicides-linked-to-global-warming-in-antarctica/

Bullshit Article on Anchorman

Found this article on why Anchorman defied all odds to become a successful comedy film. Much more interesting than A-level Maths.

For any English students, it's an inspiring piece in terms of it's ability to analyse any old shit and bring out some kind of depth to it which is really just non-existant.

http://www.denofgeek.com/other/anchorman/25077/what-other-comedy-filmmakers-could-learn-from-anchorman

Today's Work...

Would love to know where this was taken and if it is real...









Also heard about a bar called the Swan and Edgar in Marleybourne in London, which is filled with books... Nerdy shit...

Live Train Tracker Map

Saw this on qikipedia.

It's a LIVE MAP of where all of the tube trains are! That's the future that is.

I don't live in London but I think this is immense.

Wrote a speculative letter to the creator Matthew Somerville asking if he could make something like that for our local buses.

http://traintimes.org.uk/map/tube/

TED video, the first of many

A bit of late night TEDing; I always like to have my mind blown before I go to sleep.

It was Einstien who said something along the lines of "true genius is not making things more complicated but making them simpler". Who cares what exactly it was he said, no-one can prove he didn't say those exact words...

This is what I've been watching to put off going to bed:

http://www.ted.com/talks/skylar_tibbits_the_emergence_of_4d_printing.html

"Plant Some Shit"

"GARDEN GANGSTERS"

"Gardening is the single most defiant act a man can do"

http://www.ted.com/talks/ron_finley_a_guerilla_gardener_in_south_central_la.html

List of things I have done whilst procrastinating:

-Read up on all of the work experience placements it turns out I've missed out on due to not deciding what I want to do with my life.

-Watched University Challenge

--Followed Jeremy Paxman on Twitter

-Unfollowed Jeremy Paxman after realising it wasn't the real Jeremy Paxman. Jeremy Paxman doesn't have twitter. (WHY NOT?)

-Read Richard Dawkins' Twitter, and saw a book which is called "Beyond the Hoax" by Alan Sokal and assumed it was about religion. Actually about a guy who wrote a meaningless article with pretentious language quoting famous post-modernist 'social scientists' and then told everyone it was a meaningless hoax of an article. Classic.

-Saw an Uberfact about a bacteria called Toxoplasma Gondii, which is an interesting bacteria as it causes schizophrenia in people, but is present in 80% of cats. Finally, a scientific explanation for crazy cat ladies. Noticed that it was an example of Dawkins' "Extended Phenotype" gene. Wondered if everything on the internet relates stems from Dawkins?

Last Words

This is where the sum total of my hours of procrastination will be logged from now on. This is where everything I do when I should be working will go. When I realise what a failure I have become in the future I will look back at this as a little black box, telling me what exactly it was that I did instead of becoming successful.